so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
