Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
