I cannot find my penis.
i just had sex bonerless
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
