worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Randomize
