Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
