Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
