i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
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Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
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I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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