I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize