he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
