Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Alive.
So much puke
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
