If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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