Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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