If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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