The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
