I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
