The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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