I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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