His pubic hair was longer than his dick
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
