My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
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