Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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