She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
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Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize