we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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