The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
