I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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