do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
The power of my boobs compel you