I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
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It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
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If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo