and next time when you feel me up, do it right
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.