currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
