i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I forget how to act sober
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize