I think my vagina is haunted
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
