You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
i've created a new STD.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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