i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
