The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
