Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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