i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
