dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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