The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
