I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
