just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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