it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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