I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I need a burrito and a hug.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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