we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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