he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize