I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You're like the curious george of whores
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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