Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I could fuck to npr.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize