she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
How external is "for external use only"?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
