Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
