So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
