i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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