why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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