I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
