My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
