I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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