It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize