grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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