"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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