I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
