YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
