this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Randomize
