I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
sex in a hospital.. check
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
