Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
