you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
