sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
