I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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